When The Blessings Pour And Doubts Arise

I’m humbled by the blessings God is showering me in this season. Among them are the numerous clients who find me through different avenues — each of them bearing a God-given vision and desire to create impactful online courses. I’m humbled because 1) God clearly orchestrated how our paths crossed so I can only ever credit everything to Him, 2) their course ideas are meaningful, solid, and truly amazing — I know, for a fact, that many lives are changed and it is truly a blessing that I get to be a part of it, and 3) God is ultimately the person I’m first and foremost accountable to beyond all my clients.

While we were on our call today, I told my boyfriend, “The business is growing and though I’m incredibly grateful, there’s a part of me that’s afraid. What if I can’t handle it? What if I’m not prepared enough for this growth?”

He said something so wise it struck a chord in my heart. He said, “You can do it. God will not give it to you if He knows you’re not prepared for it.”

That’s so beautiful. I needed to hear that, especially today, when the imposter syndrome attacks and fears and doubts start creeping in.

What a comforting thought to know that we have a loving God who, in all His glory and generosity, will shower us with the most wonderful blessings but also, with all His love and grace, will prepare us for those blessings so they will not end up crushing us.

Here in the mountain, I’m humbled because I saw, felt, and encountered Jesus in the valley. He was there with me when I was unseen, when I felt like everything I was doing was not working, when I made the wrong decisions, when I made the right decisions and nothing seemed to change, when I burned out, when I spent countless nights wondering if this was all worth it, when I felt like giving the dream up for a life that’s safe and comfortable but was not entirely fulfilling, when I struggled to breathe through my cries, when I was isolated, when I had no clients and a debt that felt impossible to pay off, when everything didn’t make sense… He was there. He carried me through and used all that time to mold me and prepare me for His plans.

And so, now, of course I can’t help but think, “Will the mountain change me? Will not being in the valley make me distant from God?” Maybe, it’s this — not the potential failure or the “when you’re up, the only way is down” mentality — that truly scares me.

But when I brought this up to God, He reminded me that everything has a season indeed. And in this season, He is as present as He was when I was in the valley. He knows He’s prepared me for such a time as this. He equipped me for this, and on the areas where I’m yet to grow, He’s equipping me there, too. He believes in His daughter, so why wouldn’t I? He loves me to the point of the cross, so why will I forget that now?

When the blessings pour and doubts arise, when the harvest is here but the unworthiness seems real, when the uncertainties are even bigger, I will choose to lean in even more. Because in every season — be it mountains or valleys — all I ever need is Jesus and He will always be more than enough.